i'll never be picture perfect beyonce

I've been thinking about friendships a lot lately. Which is interesting, in that I'm not someone who needs a lot of friends. Quality over quantity, you know. I don't throw the word "friend" around loosely. It's serious to me. I think in my whole life, there have been less than 10 people who I at one time or another considered to be a legitimate friend. And that's okay. It means that I don't have to deal with the drama that seems to characterize most people's lives from middle school until death. I have a low tolerance for wankers. I'm not one of those people who keeps others around for the sole purpose of making fun of them behind their backs or to make myself feel better or for any myriad of severely screwed up reasons people maintain "friendships." Like, obviously, people are going to be irritating. That's just the way it is. But I have encountered so many people who ALWAYS have something negative to say about someone, but still have the nerve to call them a "friend." What is that? Is it fun? I can't imagine it is. I like to make fun of people I don't know, because it's not personal, it's fleeting, and I'll forget about two seconds later. Which kind of makes me a sucky person, I realize, but it's infinitely less ridiculous than tearing down someone that you go through the effort of pretending you like.

Why am I so fixated on this? I'm not sure. Lately I've been questioning my integrity, and I guess I became too uncomfortable with that topic, so I switched to the external and started questionng other people's. And the key conclusion I've made from doing that is that people are utterly ridiculous, and while deep down they may good, they never really cultivate that inner goodness. They allow the outside world to toxify them and turn them ugly and they never think that maybe it could be different. That being cutthroat and catty and rude might be cute/funny sometimes, it can easily spiral and turn into something worse, something that becomes deeply entrenched in your very soul and will eventually become crazy impossible to extract. And that's for sure not cute.

So I have more fat to cut than I thought. And a good place to resume doing so would probably be myself.

Get it right, get it tight.