i'll never be picture perfect beyonce

This semester is eerily reminiscent of the first semester of my freshman year. Same kind of inconsistent friendships, same amount of academic credits, same feeling of disconnect from the rest of the world.

Sigh. This is the most boring, plebeian, tedious, mundane senior year ever. How fitting. You reap what you sow, I guess, and I'm most certainly not one for farming.

Can I just do this? For the rest of my life?

Lately, it seems that every time I engage in conversation with someone, there's always a moment where they either ignore me or look at me with a blank stare. I feel alien.

Whatevski, I'm on another level, no passengers on my plane.

So I thought I would be distraught about the situation I wrote about in my last entry for, like, hecka months. But no, I'm OFFICIALLY OVER IT. Sometimes I wonder where my strength and resilience comes from, but then I'm like, "whatever, at least I have it." I feel soooo liberated and happy and stoked and...idk, for the first time since last summer, I'm not at all worried about dudes. I thought I had reached this point sometime last semester, but I definitely had not. Saying it doesn't make it true, but feeling it does.

Heck yes!

I'm very judgmental. It is what it is. Basically, I expect people to be completely wack. I look for any and every reason to criticize them, and they basically have to earn points in order for me to like/respect them. I don't know if that's a good way to go through life or not, but quite honestly, I don't care. I've done it the opposite way. I've immediately "fallen" for people (not romantically, but you know) and then they end up being completely mediocre jerkoffs and I'm left feeling...well, completely unfierce and unfabu and overall disgusting. With this system of being cynical, I thought I had constructed a really good filter for rejecting riffraff. But nothing is perfect, clearly.

Last night, I found out I was complicit in someone's shady antics. I kind of suspected this person wasn't on the up and up, but I ignored it, because I had thought this person was fairly legit. But homie is not. I fell asleep nauseated and woke up with knots in my tummy, and I just feel so...guilty, atrocious, and morally reprehensible. I'm not terribly familiar with guilt, and I would really rather not be ever again. Even though I technically didn't do anything wrong, I severely regret not listening to my intuition. I swear, is it that hard to not be a sucky, shady, sketchball person? I didn't think it was, because I've never had to struggle with it, but I am really not impressed with those who do.


Whatevski, whatevski.

"What's wrong? Are you okay? Tell me what's wrong? Something's wrong, please tell me what it is."

No. I wish some people understood that not everyone wants to share their problems with others. People have different ways of processing and dealing with various whatevers, and I wish that others understood that and fell back accordingly. Not that I don't appreciate their concern, but...I don't need it. Especially when there's actually nothing wrong.


Also, I wish people would master the miniskirt/boots combo, because most people are not rocking it well.


Finally, I'm addicted to Tumblr. Oh my lord, way too many online activities....between reading blogs, writing blogs, Facebook, Twitter, and now Tumblr...ugh. Excessive. But so fun.