i'll never be picture perfect beyonce

I'm one of those abominable college kids who only goes out once in a blue moon. I can count the number of times I've hit the club/bars using only both my hands. I like going out in theory - you know, it's an opportunity to get slightly wild and invoke my inner Beyonce and be a little uninhibited for once. But in all actuality, I either don't feel comfortable unleashing Jasmine Fierce or if I do, I always end up questioning myself and my integrity and values. Which is so completely over-the-top and absurd, because I never do anything so outrageous or naughty or anything. I mean...if dropping it like Trina at the bar is the most ridic thing I can come with, then I think my virtue is still intact. Yet I always end up feeling really unsettled and even more uncomfortable than usual. I'm cracked - ie, totally alienated from certain aspects of my personality that maybe I should just embrace. Or something. Idk, idk.



Like...is it really too much to ask to be able to do that without feeling atrocious?