so crazy, not sexy, questionably cool
Tuesday, December 22, 2009 by jasmine
so, pretty much, 2009 sucked for me. maybe it's because i had such high expectations. you know, change i can believe in, graduating from college, commencing life as a non-academic adult, etc. i thought this would be the year i could forget the rest of my life had ever even happened. you know, a year of clarity, renewal, evolution, and pure, unadulterated awesomeness, and i would be able to leave behind hurt, insecurity, and other assorted weaknesses. yeah...no. if anything, everything i wanted to let go ended up being magnified by trazillions. it was essentially a year of emotional/psychological terrorism perpetrated by others, tragic choices of my own making, with some circumstantial shenanigans out of my control thrown in for good measure.
however, i did learn some ish.
*moving to a city where a lot of people have the same ambitions as you in the middle of a recession is perhaps not the smartest idea.
*making a 19 year old endure 30 seconds of awkwardness is far more offensive than beating one's girlfriend. (I'M SORRY, KANYE. I OVERREACTED. I LOVE YOU AND 808s AND HEARTBREAK IS STILL AMAZING. chris brown, you still suck. so do your new songs. and learn how to speak, you undereducated, inarticulate wanker.)
*poor people don't deserve access to quality health care.
*because of barack obama's election, racism is officially eradicated.
*it is nearly impossible to give a tour of the us capitol without getting lost.
*"dirty diana" is the most epic michael jackson song of all time. OF ALL TIME.
*the phrase "we're not having sex tonight" is apparently not as clear as one might think.
*it is possible to rock heels in snow/ice and not take a tumble.
*every time i'm home for an extended period of time, i discover a new sex-oriented blog and feel compelled to read every single entry. maybe it's because for me, phoenix is a champagne room...if you don't get that reference, we will never be legitimate friends. :/
*knocking up an infamous governor's teenage daughter somehow entitles you to fame. seriously, why do i know who levi johnston is? and why was there demand to see his penis? america, can we get some standards? he isn't even cute. well, he's cute in that taylor lautner way...which is to say, paper bag status.
*you can have a 4-year intensely public meltdown, but then repair your image/career enough to go on a worldwide sold-out arena tour (because it's britney, bitch).
*any vaguely attractive woman has a shot to hit it with tiger woods. emphasis on the "vaguely", by the way.
*you have to be your own best friend to survive. others will, intentionally or not, destroy any part of yourself that you choose to put out there for their consumption. so you have to be able to comfort yourself, empower yourself, have fun with yourself, and make yourself feel special. if you leave that up to other people..no, just don't. thank you, 2009, for constantly reinforcing this.
*3008 > 2000 and late.
yo, next decade, i'ma let you finish, but just to let you know, the '00s was pretty awesome at the whole wrecking spirits thing, so you shouldn't even try to top it. the game needs changing, so be the cashier. let this recession peace out, let this world stop resisting progress, let people be good to themselves, and good to each other. and if you could possibly obliterate the existence of uggs, twilight, and glenn beck, that would be great.
xoxo.
however, i did learn some ish.
*moving to a city where a lot of people have the same ambitions as you in the middle of a recession is perhaps not the smartest idea.
*making a 19 year old endure 30 seconds of awkwardness is far more offensive than beating one's girlfriend. (I'M SORRY, KANYE. I OVERREACTED. I LOVE YOU AND 808s AND HEARTBREAK IS STILL AMAZING. chris brown, you still suck. so do your new songs. and learn how to speak, you undereducated, inarticulate wanker.)
*poor people don't deserve access to quality health care.
*because of barack obama's election, racism is officially eradicated.
*it is nearly impossible to give a tour of the us capitol without getting lost.
*"dirty diana" is the most epic michael jackson song of all time. OF ALL TIME.
*the phrase "we're not having sex tonight" is apparently not as clear as one might think.
*it is possible to rock heels in snow/ice and not take a tumble.
*every time i'm home for an extended period of time, i discover a new sex-oriented blog and feel compelled to read every single entry. maybe it's because for me, phoenix is a champagne room...if you don't get that reference, we will never be legitimate friends. :/
*knocking up an infamous governor's teenage daughter somehow entitles you to fame. seriously, why do i know who levi johnston is? and why was there demand to see his penis? america, can we get some standards? he isn't even cute. well, he's cute in that taylor lautner way...which is to say, paper bag status.
*you can have a 4-year intensely public meltdown, but then repair your image/career enough to go on a worldwide sold-out arena tour (because it's britney, bitch).
*any vaguely attractive woman has a shot to hit it with tiger woods. emphasis on the "vaguely", by the way.
*you have to be your own best friend to survive. others will, intentionally or not, destroy any part of yourself that you choose to put out there for their consumption. so you have to be able to comfort yourself, empower yourself, have fun with yourself, and make yourself feel special. if you leave that up to other people..no, just don't. thank you, 2009, for constantly reinforcing this.
*3008 > 2000 and late.
yo, next decade, i'ma let you finish, but just to let you know, the '00s was pretty awesome at the whole wrecking spirits thing, so you shouldn't even try to top it. the game needs changing, so be the cashier. let this recession peace out, let this world stop resisting progress, let people be good to themselves, and good to each other. and if you could possibly obliterate the existence of uggs, twilight, and glenn beck, that would be great.
xoxo.
Posts
Chris Brown will forever be haunted by the Ri Ri scandol, which would have been easier to deal with if he would have just apoligised (I'm moving to Europe) instead of playing dumb.
Ri Ri should have released Terminator as her first single for this new album of hers, it fits so perfectly.
Racism & poor will always mingle together.
You did bomb job at giving the tour, props to you and the vip access, thanks!
The phrase "I'm not sleeping here, take me home" isn't clear either. Like I wouldn't hoof it from Kachina Valley on the highway.
hahaha where's Chris Rock when you need him.
That Taylor Lawhatever boy everybody is obsessed with is like 17 and looks like a dog, which is fitting for his role in Twilight, just sayin.
I can only hope that the next decade is gently, caring, loving, and awesome to me and my new adventures!