i'll never be picture perfect beyonce

after two days at my internship, i have determined that this job, as crucial as it is, being that it functioned as my way to not only escape from witch mountain, but also provides me with invaluable professional experience, will also be a trial of my character. it is unpaid. which is quite unfortunate for someone like me, who is obsessed with shopping, has an affinity for eating at restaurants that do not have a dollar menu, and enjoys going to movies. by taking this position, i willingly sacrificed things that sustain me. i'm embracing an ascetic lifestyle. i sleep on an air mattress. there's no furniture in my room. i don't have any dishes. out of financial burden, i have taken on a pretty minimalist, somewhat ascetic lifestyle. all i've eaten in the last few days is fast food. at this juncture, all of this is fine, but i'm wondering if it will still be fine in a few weeks. at this point, i still have a little surplus, which will allow me to at least be able to enjoy this seemingly awesome, but hecka pricey metropolis for a little while. but eventually, if i don't find a job that i will be inspired to go to at night/weekends, then i'm, for almost all intents and purposes, screwed.

this is the perfect post-graduation summer. if i survive this, i'm going to have boundless confidence. it will be a time that i will be able to look back on when i'm not contemplating selling various organs with humbling pride.

also. i really, really, really need to make friends. my fellow interns seem nice enough, but they're not exactly the kind of people i want to frolic with in my free time. the friend i'm living with is cool, but we're sort of in different places in our lives. so it's a little bit uncomfortable spending more than a few minutes with her at any given moment. i've never been good at cultivating friendships, and it's a billion times harder when the pool of potential friendlies is a lot smaller.

however, despite my concerns, despite my days that drag on for several eternities i am still optimistic, and i think everything will work itself out. i'll get numb to the tediousness, i'll make friends, i'll make that money. but even if it doesn't, even if everything falls apart and i crumble along with it, i can put myself together again. no big. wouldn't be the first time.

it's very weird to feel emotional these days. it's not as fulfilling as it once was. oh, no, don't tell me i'm growing up.

i am entirely too old to be enjoying soulja boy songs. but, "turn on my swag" and "gucci bandana" are two of my jams. regression. my 19 year old self had the sense to at least be ashamed of occasionally cranking that soulja boy, but 21 year old jasmine is all shamelessly "gucci bandana, gucci gucci bandana."

anyway.

i am in college park, maryland. collipark, bubba sparxx. no, jk. i had the longest day. airports are too stressful. the whole atmosphere is tense and uncomfortable. while i love to be in new and different places, the process of getting there is atrocious. it tends to bring out the worst in people. i must say, though, i'm really proud of myself for being able to maintain my composure while my father was in complete wanker mode. god, he was so unpleasant, but i've reached a place of zen where i no longer take it personally. when we finally got to d.c., we got mad lost looking for his hotel. that hotel, by the way, is tripping. 10 dollars a day for wi-fi? trifeeee. my friend s met us there, and she took us to the abode where i will be residing for at least the next three months. it is too cute. it's a really quaint, cozy but spacious house, in a nice neighborhood. i'm excited to decorate my room, and hopefully will quickly be able to upgrade from this air mattress to a cute little trundle bed.

there is this little diner nearby that has really great food. however, the service sucks so hardcore. not gonna lie, the staff is really black, and god, not to say that flakiness/inefficiency is relegated to black people (please, i've lived in too many vanilla burbs to believe that). nevertheless, there is something about when a lot of black people are concentrated in one place that often leads to an increased probability of ish not getting done. seriously, the second time my friend and i went there to get ice cream before midnight, it took HALF AN HOUR to get our ish. and it was far from busy. it does not take that long to make a sundae and a root beer float. not cute.

oh, i also experienced the metro. a tad overwhelming. i have to keep reminding myself that millions of people navigate subways daily, so it is not impossible to conquer. but it will definitely be a couple of weeks before i start doing any legit exploring.


i saw where i work though. i am, like, a mile away from the white house! obeezy and i are going to be besties in no time. and i'm pretty close to, like, some branch of the fbi, the department of justice, the federal reserve, and other things that only a total political nerd would find exciting. squee! so stoked. so so stoked.

can't wait until i can take hecka, hecka photos.

i am such an inferior blogger. inferior to who? i'm going to estimate about 90 percent of the population. maybe i'm just being way harsh toward myself, but i really question the quality of my writing, especially my "creative" writing (yes, i consider non-fictional blogging to be creative). i think it's because i always stop and dismiss myself before i delve to deeply into any given subject. i either need to go balls to the walls, or fully commit to skimming the surface.

i think reading all 80 pages of sex and the ivy over the course of two days has led to this revelation. lena chen is brilliant. her articulation is inspired, hilarious, poignant, and intellectual. i strive to be a quarter as awesome as she is.

[3:01:12 PM] Me: dear god.
[3:01:16 PM] Me: i am terrified.
[3:01:57 PM] K: how so?
[3:02:31 PM] Me: in two days, i will be in completely unfamiliar territory. and two days after that, people are going to have professional expectations of me.
[3:02:38 PM] Me: i can't function under such circumstances.
[3:02:47 PM] K: commit or die
[3:02:50 PM] K: and I'd rather you didn't die
[3:03:46 PM] Me: right.
[3:04:01 PM] K: i guess you'll just have to see how it goes
[3:04:08 PM] K: it could be intense for sure though
[3:04:19 PM] Me: well, if nothing else, sky scrapers are a train ride away
[3:04:30 PM] K: convenient

i cannot believe i'm going to be living in silver spring, maryland in less than a week. i'm going to be taking the subway to work every day. i'm going to be wearing suits and heels and trying to network and impress people and make my way in the world. i'm going to be within "day trip" distance of new york and boston. every choice that i make or do not make will have legitimate consequences for my life. i'm going to have to make new friends. i'm going to be encountering the kinds of people i've never encountered before. i'm going to be in the midst of hardcore political activism.

this is the kind of life i've always imagined. it's all coming together incredibly well. too well, actually. i mean, okay, so my father is going to be flying out there with me. but he will be gone next thursday. then i'm liberated.

i'm either going to flounder or soar. this is when "commit or die", my phrase of choice lately, will actually mean something. that is the scariest, but most exhilirating realization i've ever reached.

i'm extremely ill-prepared for this.

i shouldn't have left you.

without a dope beat to step to.


haha. so...a couple of things have popped off since april 15.

i am, for almost all and intents and purposes, an alumna of northern arizona university. yea-errr.

the "almost" is in there because...

I GOT AN INTERNSHIP IN WASHINGTON DC.

and in order to get scholarship money, i'm going to have to delay the posting of my degree so i can get credit for this internship.

my first day of being a ~congressional intern~ will most likely be may 26. which means i'll be in DC no later than the 24 (which is seriously worst case scenario. i'm probably going to be there on the 21st) . so, basically, i'm going to be escaping from arizona a mere two weeks after graduation!

i had no idea i would be able to do that. but i am too stoked. i had fears of being one of those "lame duck" graduates, who just chills at home for an indefinite amount of time, not really doing anything of consequence, but not ready to bounce out into the real world.

wow. i guess it's true that if you can dream it, you can achieve it.

it's too perfect. i'm terrified.