i'll never be picture perfect beyonce

i went to starbucks with a boy on friday afternoon. it was cute. he was cute. i don't want/expect anything sparkly to come of it, but it was nice to do something social with someone other than my roommate/coworkers. god, i miss social events being a regular part of my life, and not something worth writing about.

nevertheless. yesterday, i had a legitimate breakfast for the first time in FOREVER. pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon. it was the definition of divine. my roommate and i met up with one of her coworkers to dine. my roommate had told me that she was "so sweet, just the sweetest girl", etc, etc, etc, and...i mean, she was totally nice, but if i never saw her again, i wouldn't be terribly distraught. i'm such a misanthrope sometimes. i just don't like very many people very much. i don't know if my standards are excessively high or if other people expect too little from people.

then my roommate and i met up with another friend to see "orphan." friday night, roomie and i had watched the trailer, and we were expecting it to be terrible, but in a hysterical way, but i legitimately enjoyed it. the characters were engaging, that little demon child esther was fierce, the plot was pretty steadily paced...leonardo dicaprio was a producer, which must be why it wasn't as bootleg as i was anticipating.

then i ended up going to bed by 9:30 last night because i was just that bored.

the roomie is going to be making mexican...or at the very least, mexican-inspired cuisine for dinner today. hayyy. but because i'm so considerate, i'm going to clean the kitchen before she gets back from church. stupid trifling boy roommates who don't know how to wash dishes.

fave 5

the girl i was even a week ago would look into the soul of the girl i am right now and be thoroughly unimpressed.

but maybe i'm being pre-emptively melodramatic.

i could totally get fired for what i was doing while working today.

oh, i love the surprises that life can bring.

of course, homegirl gets back to me and she can't go out. quelle surprise. whatever, i just took a most amazing shower, one of those seriously cathartic showers that completely washes away external and internal grime. so at least i had that to make this saturday night worth something.

people in phoenix keep telling me to come back after my internship is over, and while most of me balks at the fact, there is that tiny sliver of my soul that is longing to be back in familiar territory, with reliable friends, and devoid of consistent and constant loneliness. but i know i'm romanticizing what my life used to be, and i know that it always takes me a long time to settle anywhere. so i keep strutting along, secure in the knowledge that one day, the missing pieces will materialize, and this web of despair and depression i'm steadily and expertly weaving will eventually unravel. because it has to.

i spend a lot of time waiting and hoping for phone calls lately. it is so demoralizing and irritating.

nevertheless, i hope s calls me today so we can go to a club. i haven't been to a club since...the second weekend i was here, and it was wack on several levels. but i know that the right establishments and the right going-out buddies are out there, and i need to figure it out before certain people come out to visit! i should have asked that girl i was standing next to on the metro platform the other day. from the conversation she was having, it was clear that homegirl is very familiar with, at the very least, great places to drink.

i'm completely ignoring the fact that i should really be on lockdown because my financial situation sucks, but that makes me want to go out even more. silly, silly girl. i'm going to regret my irresponsibility soon enough, so i might as well indulge in it for the time being.

on an even more pathetic note, i find myself relating to the music of 16 year old disney chicks hardcore. demi lovato is killin' hos with this new album. or at least, the one song from it that i have been listening to almost nonstop. "catch me" is too adorably fierce.

i sound so fake! i impromptu-ly recorded this video outside of the building i work in.

yesterday, i went to the first annual congressional women's softball game. my boss was in it, so that's the only reason why i thought i wanted to go. i momentarily forgot my complete aversion to most sports. it was terribly boring, but it was for a good cause - over $41,000 was raised to fund breast cancer research. my coworkers and i only stayed for about half the game. the field was in georgetown, which isn't very metro accessible, so i had to take one bus, then transfer to another bus to get me to a metro. i got impatient between the transfer and proceeded to walk around the neighborhood (which, oh my god, i need to go back there when i have money because there were some fierce stores). then i ended up walking through part of the georgetown campus, which was so gorgeous, as were many of the students. i felt super inferior and totally lamented my nau experience. i didn't make it home until well after midnight, didn't fall asleep until 1:30ish and i woke up feeling like i'd been strangled and poisoned - nauseated, achy, etc, etc. it was a rough morning.

it eventually leveled out and the last couple of hours were decent. i've managed to forge amicable relationships with most of my coworkers somehow, so that aspect of work is infinitely more tolerable. i even felt comfortable enough to drink a corona after 6:00, and that ish had me feeling super floaty and festive. after i bounced from work, i headed straight for the metro. i was waiting on the platform, someone calls me name, i turn around, and it's my absolute favorite professor ever! so random. her son is performing in a play here. seeing her totally made my day - she is so inspirational. not only is she utterly brilliant, but she is gorgeous and stylish and fun and great. so i'm going to grab lunch or dinner or something with her before she leaves. so excited.

now i'm at home, and the kfc i decided to eat was not the best decision, but not the worst. their grilled chicken is surprisingly decent, if still excessively greasy.

life is good.

ridiculous.

saturday mornings should be resplendent with the promise of a splendiferous day - especially a morning like this, when it is sunny but not excessively so. i should be looking forward to something. a shopping trip, a frolic around some random neighborhood downtown, a lovely conversation...alas, none of those await me. i'm flashing back to something i wrote the first night i got here where i said i was scared i wouldn't make any friends and be one of those people who's like, "i peaked in college, yo" and that definitely turned out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. it's a bummer, to say the least, but i'm hoping there's joy after this pain, and the damage will be minimal.

work was weak. though at least i've found myself feeling more comfortable there, at least. i still dread it, but at least it's familiar.

then i went to a rooftop bar. the bouncer examined my id for way too long. that picture is old and all, but i don't look that drastically different. the roof was crowded and that is really not a good place to go solo. i kept playing with my phone and looking around like i was waiting for someone, even though i totally wasn't. oh, life in the fast lane. however, the strawberry stoli/sprite and the strawberry beer were delicious. i'm still not a beer person, but i've found that i do enjoy the fruity ones.

while i was at the metro station after hitting the bar, some older gremlin tried to holler. i told him i have a boyfriend, and he asked me if i was in love with him. what a trife, sketchy question. ummm...no, i'm not in love with him, so i'd be more than willing to engage in infidelity with your nasty, unattractive face. please. you look so dumb right now.

i've noticed that when i drink here, i get extremely hot and flushed. highly unusual. that did not happen in arizona at all. it's unpleasant.

walked by a clothing store named "shake your booty." i must go there when i have disposable income. it looked awesome.

song du jour: "houstatlantavegas" (remix) by jojo. originally a drake song, jojo killed it with this slightly abbreviated cover. she really needs to release some new original material, even though i adore her reinterpretations of songs originally done by dudes.

i think it's truly janky that i can't associate both of my gmails with this blog. google, stop trying to make things more inconvenient than necessary. and i'm going to need them to stop trying to infiltrate all aspects of technology. they're planning on releasing an operating system next year...like, can you at least get google chrome to be on par with firefox first?

today (er, i guess yesterday at this point) i saw john mccain speak. he's not that charismatic. in this era of barack obama, all politicians needs to step their game up. there were a couple hundred self-important interns and young professionals crammed into that room for the opportunity to share space with him. i arrived about a half an hour before he spoke, which means i had to endure half an hour of fidgeting alone while almost everyone else was with their friends. story of my life here. so frustrating. but anyway, mccain proceeded to speak in rhetoric and basically only rhetoric the entire time. "america supports democracy", "the united states has a tradition of all citizens being equal and we support other nations with these values" (OH, REALLY?) and so on and so forth. i find myself becoming increasingly more disgusted with politics. it still enchants and fascinates me like no other, but i don't feel optimistic or inspired by many elected leaders. i seriously didn't think working in a congressional office would harden me, but i really see so many problems with american democracy. alas, i can't really discuss them on the internet at this juncture. it's all fodder for the eventual memoir though.

it just occurred to me that music is my best friend, and i don't talk about it much any more, so i'm going to start doing a song of the day. today's is "all of this" by kpm music. i heard it in a gossip girl promo in, like, 2007, and i had completely forgotten about it until this morning.

i'm blogging at work.

i feel so clandestine and shady, but it's not like i'm pulling a jessica cutler and writing about my sexploits on congressional computers.

anyway, i feel like i've been rather remiss in my blogging. i mean, every day ends up being some sort of an adventure, but i never think to regularly write things down. today has been pretty dull, but yesterday was a series of incredibly embarrassing events, from taking a tumble while getting off the bus to taking another tumble when getting off at the transfer stop at the metro and just being an overall hot mess, because i couldn't get over the initial bus stumble. and then there were the many, many, many days in which i left work wanting to slit my wrists after various incidents, but of course i've forgotten them. that's probably why i didn't write them down, because i've taken to avoiding confronting all things negative.

but it leads to a lot of missing pieces in the puzzle known as my life, because i essentially feel like if there was no tangible documentation, then it didn't happen. so, i'm going to make a committment to blog daily. maybe not substantial entries, but whose life is always substantial?

i just led a tour. that is one of the least favorite aspects of this internship. i only give one or two tours a week, but i dread them. i've found that if there are more than two people in the group, then i'm just completely ineffective. i don't have a voice that carries, and i always get really self-conscious about that, so i'm not quite as informative as i should be, and then i feel like the constituents aren't satisfied. idk, idk. i'm working on it, but the learning curve is hecka steep.

speaking of work, i continue to be the black sheep intern. even the new guy who has only been here for two weeks (compared to my, like, 7) fits in much better than i do. maybe it's because i don't care to talk about constituent mail as much as they do. whatever, taking it to another level. but overall, i do feel a lot better in general about going to work. it is what it is, and i can deal. and it helps that i downgraded myself from 45 to 27 hours a week, leaving me more than enough time to eventually get a side hustle, which i will hopefully acquire this week. knock on wood. because i am slowly but steadily putting myself into more and more debt, and it is not at all, even a little bit cute.

though there's no shortage of cute in my life, at least in regards to dudes. i mean, the guys who actaully approach me are never that cute (the most recent fellow looked like akon...enough said), but i'm forever spotting attractive guys, including one who looks like paul walker.

i'm pretty sure making eye contact with him will be the highlight of my week. seventh grade status!