emotional disturbia leads to some emotional breaking dishes
Wednesday, March 03, 2010 by jasmine
i'm trying to remember that we are in a recession.
that there are millions and millions of other individuals who are also unemployed.
that i am not unemployed because this is natural selection's way of trying to get me to peace out via a deadly combination of depression, boredom, and mild starvation (ie, not being able to buy mcdonald's fries on the daily) that will eventually lead to my death.
that in fact, i merely happened to graduate at a MOST inopportune time with a degree that is not engineering or nursing related, and henceforth, i am competing for a scare number of jobs with a not-so-scarce number of people.
but it's hard. being unemployed is hard. being a "professional recessionista" is miserable. i hate not being "productive." i hate not being able to complain about wack coworkers. i hate that i can't have a mildly inappropriate work-crush. i hate that i am perpetually broke or almost-broke. it's draining. especially when almost everyone else that you know is doing something. they have obligations. they have lives
i keep waking up at fairly ungodly hours for no. freaking. reason. like my body hasn't gotten the memo that i am jobless; therefore, i can sleep in. but no. instead, i wake up early. writhe around in bed with my laptop until for a couple of hours. shower. get dressed. go to borders for a few hours. maybe splurge on tea. feel read. use their wifi. feel extra distraught when i have to buy food/toiletries/LIFE supplies. go home. writhe around in bed more. maybe go downstairs and watch some tv. play on internet until bed.
this lifestyle? sucks. i can't help but think back to this time last year. senior year of college. only four classes, which allowed me to hustle for more hours at my not-so-bad on-job. actively engaged in a feminist organization. fun meals with fabulous friends. GOING OUT. oh my god, i miss going out so much. i miss drinking and aggressively dancing and making hos jealous and all that good stuff. i miss my friends. :/ my unemployed status coupled with the fact that i am a few years younger than the people i do socialize with = inferior status. there's always an undercurrent of me feeling less-than in every interaction i have, and that, to be oh-so-eloquent, just sucks.
that there are millions and millions of other individuals who are also unemployed.
that i am not unemployed because this is natural selection's way of trying to get me to peace out via a deadly combination of depression, boredom, and mild starvation (ie, not being able to buy mcdonald's fries on the daily) that will eventually lead to my death.
that in fact, i merely happened to graduate at a MOST inopportune time with a degree that is not engineering or nursing related, and henceforth, i am competing for a scare number of jobs with a not-so-scarce number of people.
but it's hard. being unemployed is hard. being a "professional recessionista" is miserable. i hate not being "productive." i hate not being able to complain about wack coworkers. i hate that i can't have a mildly inappropriate work-crush. i hate that i am perpetually broke or almost-broke. it's draining. especially when almost everyone else that you know is doing something. they have obligations. they have lives
i keep waking up at fairly ungodly hours for no. freaking. reason. like my body hasn't gotten the memo that i am jobless; therefore, i can sleep in. but no. instead, i wake up early. writhe around in bed with my laptop until for a couple of hours. shower. get dressed. go to borders for a few hours. maybe splurge on tea. feel read. use their wifi. feel extra distraught when i have to buy food/toiletries/LIFE supplies. go home. writhe around in bed more. maybe go downstairs and watch some tv. play on internet until bed.
this lifestyle? sucks. i can't help but think back to this time last year. senior year of college. only four classes, which allowed me to hustle for more hours at my not-so-bad on-job. actively engaged in a feminist organization. fun meals with fabulous friends. GOING OUT. oh my god, i miss going out so much. i miss drinking and aggressively dancing and making hos jealous and all that good stuff. i miss my friends. :/ my unemployed status coupled with the fact that i am a few years younger than the people i do socialize with = inferior status. there's always an undercurrent of me feeling less-than in every interaction i have, and that, to be oh-so-eloquent, just sucks.
Posts
"Life outside the diamond is a wrench." You'll get some thing eventually, but I'm terrified that I'm going to be jobless and homeless :(...at least I'll have my health for a bit and nice shoes to walk the streets in...